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DeepBlue |
tired guy
Registered: Sep 2003
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 [ENG] umorismo NERD
HOW TO SHOOT YOURSELF IN THE FOOT USING DIFFERENT PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES
C: You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them
all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since
you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at
others and saying, "That's me, over there."
FORTRAN: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of
toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets,
you continue with the attempts to shoot yourself anyways because you have no
exception-handling capability.
Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
Ada: After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the
gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try,
however, you discover you can't because your foot is of the wrong type.
COBOL: Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place
ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to
HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be re-tied.
LISP:
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot
yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself
in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the
appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage
which holds ...
FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot.
Prolog: You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The
program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't permit it to
explain it to you.
BASIC: Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On large systems,
continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.
Visual Basic: You'll really only _appear_ to have shot yourself in the foot,
but you'll have had so much fun doing it that you won't care.
HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer
the result.
Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the bullet,
its trajectory, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the
gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.
APL: You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to
do it in fewer characters.
SNOBOL: If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot
yourself in the right foot.
Unix:
% ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o
rm:.o no such file or directory
% ls
%
Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.
370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS and include a 400-page document
explaining exactly how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot
comes back deep-fried.
Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can, too.
Access: You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all
your Borland distribution diskettes instead.
Revelation: You're sure you're going to be able to shoot yourself in the
foot, just as soon as you figure out what all these nifty little
bullet-thingies are for.
dBase: You buy a gun. Bullets are only available from another company and
are promised to work so you buy them. Then you find out that the next
version of the gun is the one that is scheduled to actually shoot bullets.
PL/I: After consuming all system resources including bullets, the data
processing department doubles its size, acquires two new mainframes and
drops the original on your foot.
Assembler: You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you must
first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.
or:
You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system administrator
arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment of contemplation, the
administrator shoots himself in the foot and then hops around the room
rabidly shooting at everyone in sight.
Modula2: After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this
language, you shoot yourself in the head.
[edit]
HTML/java script: You discover that the <foot> tag is deprecated.
Also, document.foot.shoot isn't supported by Netscape 4. You try to use layers, but Netscape 4 shoots you in the hand.
PHP: You spend several days inventing the gun, bullets, and your foot. Before you're ready to try to shoot your foot, you discover there is already a package available to do it. Unfortunately, it doesn't work, and your version only works with text-only browsers.
[/edit]
__________________
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Last edited by DeepBlue on 30-01-2004 at 22:59
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DeepBlue
